I Will Always Love You
by Rescue45
Summary: This is part of my future series where Starsky and Hutch are married and each has a son. In the series Hutch lost his wife, Jennifer, to cancer when Davey was four. This is that story.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The Diagnosis

Hutch was smiling as he drove home after dropping Starsky off at his house. He was looking forward to being home with his wife, Jennifer, and his three-year old son, Davey. It wasn't too often that he was home in time to eat dinner with them and he was looking forward to the rare treat. He pulled the visor down and pushed the button that opened the garage door. He backed the car in and went inside. Jennifer heard the garage door opening and was waiting for him in the kitchen. Hutch opened the door and hugged her. He looked around for Davey, who usually jumped him as soon as he walked through the door. "Where's Davey?"

"I asked Jeanne to watch him tonight." She bowed her head and took hold of Hutch's hand. "Honey, we need to talk." She led him to the living room and sat down on the couch.

"Have I done something wrong?" Hutch asked. He knew by the look on her face and the sound of her shaky voice that something was bothering her. He was afraid that he made her mad. Although for the life of him, he didn't know what it could have been.

She turned so that she was facing him. She held both of his hands in hers. "I don't know how to say this. I don't know how…" She was trembling all over as she spoke.

Hutch tightened the grip on her hands hoping to give her strength to say whatever it was she obviously didn't want to tell him, "Honey, whatever it is you can tell me."

"Do you remember me telling you I was going to the doctor to see about the headaches and blurry vision I've had lately?"

"Yes, did they find out what's causing them?"

She nodded. "Please, don't say anything until I'm done, okay?" He nodded. "I went to the doctor today…and I have…it's…," she took a deep breath and said, "I have a tumor and it's probably cancer." She leaned forward and he held her close. She cried as he stroked her hair. Those words cut through him more than any knife or bullet ever did. Those words scared him more than staring into the barrel of a gun. He clenched his teeth and his whole body tensed as he held back his own tears. He almost forgot to breathe.

"Shhh. It'll be okay, Honey." He leaned her back and kissed her forehead. "You said probably, maybe it's something else." He wanted it to be anything else.

"The doctor wants me to come back tomorrow and I'd like you to go with me. Do you…"

"Of course I'll be with you. I'll call Chief Sterling in the morning." He used his thumb to wipe away her tears.

"Please, don't tell him anything. I don't want anyone to know yet. Not until I know for sure. I haven't even told Jeanne." She rubbed her forehead as her bottom lip quivered.

He pulled her close and held her again. "I won't say anything to anyone, not even Starsky until you want me to, okay?" She nodded. "I'll tell Sterling and Starsky that I'm not feeling well in the morning." She nodded again. He held her on the couch for a long time. Hutch cooked a light dinner which consisted of baked chicken and a salad.

After dinner, Hutch led Jennifer into the living room. She sat down on the couch and he put on some soft music. He held his hand out as he approached her, "Will you do me the honor of this dance, Mrs. Hutchinson?"

She took his hand and said, "I'd be delighted to, Mr. Hutchinson." When she stood up, he put one arm around her waist and held her hand with the other one. He gently kissed her as he pulled her close to him. After the third dance, Jennifer whispered in his ear, "Will you make love to me?" He smiled and led her into the bedroom.

The next morning, Hutch listened to her rhythmic respirations and watched her sleep for several minutes before he got up. He called Starsky then he called Chief Sterling and told them both that he was not feeling well.

Jeanne and Jennifer were both nurses. They worked part time so that one of them was always off work. It worked out great for them with the schedules their husbands had. Kenny and Davey spent a lot of time at each other's houses.

Jeanne and Jennifer were both off work the next day and Jeanne said that she would be happy to keep Davey since Hutch wasn't feeling well. Jennifer didn't like to keep secrets from her twin sister, but she didn't want to worry her if her headaches turned out to be nothing either. She thanked her for keeping Davey an extra day.

When he parked the car at the doctor's office, Hutch ran around to the passenger side and opened the door for his wife. He held her hand as they walked inside. The receptionist took them straight to his office and told them to have a seat and he would be right in. There were two chairs in the office and Hutch scooted his chair so that he was right next to Jennifer. She put her hand on the armrest of the chair and he held her hand. It wasn't long before the doctor came in and shook hands with Hutch. "Mr. Hutchinson, It's good to meet you. I'm Neil Owens, Jeanne's doctor. I've worked with her many times. She's told me a lot about you over the years." Hutch was too nervous to speak, he politely nodded instead. He was doing all he could to keep himself together. Hutch sat back down as Dr. Owens sat in the chair behind the desk. There was an uncomfortable silence as he glanced through a file in front of him. After what seemed like forever to Hutch, the doctor closed the file, rested his elbows on the desk and rubbed his hands together. "This kind of news is never easy to deliver." He leaned back in his chair and said, "I'm afraid the test is positive, Jeanne. You have a cancerous brain tumor. It's rare and it's inoperable."

Hutch turned his gaze from the doctor to Jennifer who hung her head and shook it slowly from side to side. He looked back at the doctor and asked, "What do we do? How do we treat it?" He heard Jennifer starting to sob as she held her hands up to her head. Hutch got up from his seat and squatted down in front of her. "It'll be okay, Honey. You can fight this. You can beat this." His speech was broken as he was trying not to cry or show the fear and anger that was raging inside him.

Doctor Owens looked at Jennifer. Her tear-filled eyes met his then she looked at Dr. Owens, "I can't…I can't tell him." She said as she leaned forward and allowed Hutch to hold her.

Hutch was facing Jennifer and his back was turned toward the doctor. He turned his head and asked, "Tell me what?"

Dr. Owens hesitated then said, "I'm afraid there is no current cure for this particular type of cancer, Mr. Hutchinson. It's too deep inside the brain."

Hutch held Jennifer tighter and patted her back. He choked back his own tears. "I'm going to leave you two alone for a few minutes," Dr. Owens said as he stood up. He quietly closed the door as he left.

"Oh, Hutch, I'm sorry."

He brushed the long soft-brown hair out of her emerald-green eyes. "You're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about." His voice was soft and soothing. He stayed there holding her for a long time. Dr. Owens came back and in and explained to Jennifer and Hutch what they could expect.

Hutch took the next day off work and Jeanne said she would keep Davey again. Jennifer was a nurse and knew full well what she could expect over the next four to six months. This kind of brain cancer was very aggressive. There was no miracle cure or pill she could take to make it all go away. Chemotherapy would do nothing but make her sicker the little time she did have left. Dr. Owens had told Hutch all this in his office the day before, but she knew that he didn't comprehend it all. It was too much for anyone to take in. They talked and he held her as she cried a lot that morning. She decided it was time to tell Jeanne and Starsky. Jennifer wanted Hutch to tell Starsky first, and then they would tell Jeanne together that night. "Are you going to be okay when I leave to meet Starsky?" He asked her.

"Honey, it's not going to happen overnight, I'll be fine. To be honest, I'd like a little alone time for a while."

He kissed her hand, "Your wish is my command." He went into the bedroom and called the station; the dispatcher patch him through to Starsky.

"Patch him through," Starsky said when he received the call on his radio.

"Starsk, I need to see you. Can you meet me at Miller Park in a half hour?"

"Sure, Hutch. Hey, you okay? You don't sound too good."

"Just meet me, please, it's important."

"I'll be there, Buddy."

Starsky pulled up to the park a little before two and saw Hutch sitting at a picnic table with his arms crossed and his head resting on them. He tapped his horn to let Hutch know he was there. Hutch lifted his head and walked toward Starsky. Starsky could see that Hutch's eyes were red and watery. He put his hand on Hutch's shoulder, "Hutch, what is it? What's wrong, Buddy?"

Until this very moment, Hutch wasn't sure he believed what Dr. Owens said. He didn't want to believe it. His chin quivered and his eyes became watery. He couldn't say anything. Tears filled his eyes as he reached for Starsky and hugged him. Starsky didn't know what was going on, but he knew his partner and best friend was hurting and he hugged him tightly until Hutch could finally get the words out, "Starsk, I'm gonna lose her."

"You mean… she wants a divorce?"

"She has cancer, Starsk," Hutch mumbled through his tears.

Starsky's eyes filled with tears too. "Oh, Hutch, no."

Hutch nodded. "She's…she's going to die, Starsk." He couldn't believe he said it. When he said those words, he felt as if they burned a hole into his very soul. He hated himself for even thinking that, let alone saying those words.

"Is that why you were out the past two days?"

"She didn't want anyone to know until we knew for sure."

"It's okay, I understand." He patted Hutch's back.

Hutch took a deep breath and broke the embrace. He sniffed and wiped the tears away with eyes with his hand. They walked to the picnic table and sat down. "Jennifer wants us to come to your place tonight and tell Jeanne."

"Yeah, sure," Starsky agreed. This news would be devastating to Jeanne. Then Starsky thought of their boys, Kenny and Davey. His mind was racing with so many thoughts and questions he didn't know what he was thinking. His first priority was to listen to Hutch right now and let him talk. Hutch's voice was slow and calm as he explained about going to the doctor the day before and how the doctor told them that she had roughly four to six months to live. The doctor would give her something to help with her headaches when they got worse. Starsky wanted to tell Hutch that it would all be okay, that maybe there was a mistake with the tests, but he knew that wasn't true. Everything was anything but all right.

"I'll call Huggy and see if he can take the boys out for pizza or something tonight, Hutch," Starsky said after it appeared that Hutch had said all he could manage to get out.

"Don't tell him anything yet, okay? Jennifer doesn't want a lot people to know just yet."

"Sure, Buddy; whatever you two want."

Hutch nodded and put his elbows on the table. He put his right hand over his left and rested his forehead on his hands. "Oh, God, Starsk, what am I going to do?" His whole body shook as he let the tears flow once again.

Starsky put his arms around Hutch and said, "Let it out, Buddy. I'm here for you." Starsky stayed with Hutch until the end of his shift.

Hutch wiped his tears and said, "I guess I'd better get back. We'll be at your place about six, okay?" Starsky nodded. He walked with Hutch to their cars.

Jennifer bent her head down as Hutch pulled into Starsky's driveway. Hutch reached out his hand and patted her leg. "You want to put this off?"

She shook her head no. Jennifer lifted her head up, took a deep breath, looked at Hutch and said, "No. She deserves to know."

Hutch nodded and slid out of the driver's seat. He opened the car door for Jennifer and took her hand when she offered it. He steadied her by putting his hand against the small of her back when she paused. "Starsky and I will be with you," he whispered. She nodded and continued to walk up the cement path to the house.

Hutch never knocked when he entered Starsky's house and this time was no different. He saw Starsky and they nodded at each other. "Oh, there you two are," Jeanne said as she emerged from the kitchen. "Starsky said you were coming by tonight. Hutch, I hope you're feeling better."

"I'm fine," Hutch said as he walked Jennifer to the couch.

Jennifer squinted and rubbed her forehead as she sat on the couch.

Jeanne looked at Starsky, who turned away from her gaze. She then looked at Hutch who was unusually attentive toward Jennifer which made her know something was wrong. "Hey, what's wrong?" She asked the other three. "You three look like you've seen a ghost."

Jennifer bowed her head and leaned into Hutch's chest. Hutch held her close to him. Jennifer nodded but didn't say a word. Starsky walked toward Jeanne and put his hand on her shoulder. He glanced at Hutch who nodded. "Honey, Jennifer went to the doctor about those headaches and blurry vision she's been having." He paused, not really wanting to say the rest of what he knew needed to be said.

"And?" Jeanne said sounding concerned as she looked at all three of them.

"It's cancer," Starsky said. He held her up as her knees started to give out. He guided her to the couch. Hutch stood up so Jeanne could sit next to Jennifer. The two women clung to each other.

"They…" Jeanne started to say but Jennifer cut her off.

"No, they can't. It's too deep there's nothing they can do."

Hutch sat on the arm of the couch and put his hand on Jennifer's shoulder and Starsky sat next to Jeanne. There are seven stages people go through when facing their own mortality or that of someone they love. They are shock/ denial, pain/guilt, anger/bargaining, depression/reflection/loneliness, reconstruction/working through, acceptance/hope. These stages can vary in length and sometimes people go through them more than once and not everyone goes through all the stages. The first one is usually denial. Jennifer and Jeanne were both nurses and they have seen their share of people with cancer. They came to the realization pretty quickly that there had been no mistakes in any of the tests. Starsky and Hutch had seen their share of loss too and also knew that the tests were right. The four of them seemed to get past the denial stage pretty quickly. There really was no denying Jennifer's headaches and blurry vision. Dr. Owens had shown Hutch and Jennifer the x-ray at the office. They talked about letting Chief Sterling know in the morning. They would also let the Dobey's know within a few days.

They were unaware of how much time had passed until the front door opened and two little boys came running in followed by a very tired looking Huggy. Davey hugged his dad. "Are you better? Aunt Jeanne said you were sick."

Hutch looked at his blond-haired, hazel-eyed son, put on a fake smile and said, "Yes, Daddy's better."

Huggy could see right through the fake smiles and knew something had upset the four of them. He looked at Starsky and nodded toward the front door. Starsky looked at Hutch and Jeanne and told them he would be right back. Hutch gave him an approving nod.

Starsky stood on the front porch, leaned against the railing and shuffled his feet. "Starsky, what's up?" Huggy finally asked.

In a matter-of-fact tone, Starsky said, "Jennifer has a type of brain cancer, Hug."

"No."

"Hutch says the doctor's can't do anything because it's too deep." Huggy looked at Starsky waiting for him to tell him more. "They're giving her four-to-six months." Starsky's legs felt weak and he sat on the railing before they totally gave out on him.

Huggy reached out his hand and steadied his friend. "What can I do, Starsky? Tell me what, I'll do anything."

"Thanks, Hug. We don't want the boys to know just yet. We talked earlier and we're going to let Chief Sterling know tomorrow. We may need someone to keep an eye on the boys while we work out what we are going to do."

"You got it, and anything else you think of."

Starsky patted Huggy's arm and said, "Thanks."

"I think you have your hands full tonight, but you come by my humble establishment soon, okay?"

"Will do."

Huggy left. He wanted to go in the house and tell Jennifer how sorry he was and hug her, but he didn't want to upset any of them any more than they already were.

Jennifer and Hutch took Davey home not long after Huggy dropped them off. After they put Davey to bed, Jennifer was brushing her hair and she said, "Honey, I want you to go back to work tomorrow. You can't stay out much longer and Starsky needs you."

"Starsky will be just fine a few days without me."

She put the brush down and slid under the covers. She rolled onto her side so that she was facing him, "I'll be all right. Jeanne's off tomorrow and we want to take the boys to the park. I'm off the next two days, but I'm going back to work myself. I want you to go back to work."

He tenderly brushed her hair back and kissed her. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." She rolled over and turned out the night light.

Hutch rolled onto his back, folded his hands and placed them on his stomach and stared at the ceiling. A single tear rolled down his left cheek.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Getting it all Out

The next couple of weeks everyone went through their daily routines as if nothing had changed. Jennifer had seen a couple of other doctors but they said the same thing. Hutch was on the streets with Starsky catching the worst the city had to offer. Although Dobey retired, Starsky, Hutch and their families stayed friends with him, Edith and their kids. Starsky and Hutch still referred to him as Chief. When Starsky and Hutch visited them to deliver the shocking news, their reaction was the same as everyone else's had been when they found out; shock and sadness.

Jeanne and Jennifer continued working part time at the hospital. Starsky, Hutch and Jeanne never mentioned Jennifer's condition to her or appeared to be anything but upbeat and happy around her. However, Jennifer felt as if they were watching her every move. If she stood up to get a glass of tea, Jeanne, Starsky or Hutch would get it for her. She wasn't allowed to clear her own plate from the dinner table or help Jeanne clean up when she was at their place. All this extra attention and pampering was getting on her nerves and she realized she didn't like that. None of them were talking to her about the fact that she was dying. Her condition wasn't going to simply go away because they didn't talk about it. She wanted to talk about it; she wanted to talk about her own fears and anxieties. She decided to make a change for all of them. One night Hutch came home late and saw Jennifer was on the couch reading a book. He started to say something and she said, "Shhh, wait a minute." She continued reading.

He walked up behind her, "Good book?"

She ignored him a few more minutes then she placed a bookmarker in the book to mark the page she was on and set the book down on the coffee table. "Yes, it was a good part." She stood up and hugged him. "I'd ask how your day was, but I know you can't talk about it so I'll just kiss you instead."

"That sounds like a good idea." He smiled as he pulled her in close to him. He sniffed her hair as he hugged her. He loved the way her hair smelled. He was glad to see that her spirits were up. The last week had been pretty rough and when he came home, she was either asleep already or he would find her sobbing into her pillow. He did his best to maintain his own emotions around her and to stay upbeat and positive.

She sat down on the couch after she kissed him. "I need to ask you something."

He nodded taking a seat beside her, "You can ask me anything, you know that."

"I…do you think we'd be okay financially if I quit work?"

Hutch knew she wanted an honest answer and he thought about it. "We will be just fine. I'm not just saying that because I think it's what you want to hear. Remember, I invested the money from my parent's life insurance. We never touched it, so there's a nice little sum in it and we have some in the saving account. Are your headaches and vision getting worse?"

"No. Actually, they're not too bad. I'm able to cope with the mild pain pills Dr. Owens prescribed. He said I can still drive unless my vision gets blurry. I have so much fun with Davey and Kenny in the park and I…" She leaned her head into his chest and choked back her tears, "I want to spend as much time as I can with Davey." He didn't say anything he just stroked her hair and let her continue. "I know he won't remember me, but I'm hoping he will remember that I loved him. Does that even make sense?"

Hutch choked back his tears, "It makes perfect sense to me. I'm glad you decided to quit. I won't let him forget you." He fought back his own tears. He wanted to be strong for her. He never let her see how much he was dying inside every day. Starsky and Jeanne decided that they were going to be strong for Jennifer too. They wanted what time she had left to be filled with laughter and good times. They did not want Jennifer to see how much pain and anguish they were going through.

"Honey, he's only three. He's not going to remember me." She cried again and he held her tight. He knew she was right. The thought that his little boy would not remember his mother sent a wave of pain through his whole body. He gritted his teeth and held back the anger at the unfairness of it all.

"I'm off tomorrow, but I'll run by the hospital and turn in my notice. Since I'm only part time, they probably won't need me to work out a two-week notice." She sat straight up and smiled. "I'd like something else too."

"And just what would that be, Mrs. Hutchinson?"

"I need the four of us to sit down and talk. Tomorrow after work, do you think we can go to Jeanne's? Maybe Huggy or Edith can watch the boys?"

"Starsky and I are off tomorrow. We caught the big, bad man we've been looking for so Sterling gave us the day off. Now, I'm sure we can talk Huggy into watching the boys tomorrow. He likes taking them to the beach and it's going to be nice. I'll call him in the morning."

She stood up, stretched and rubbed her forehead. "I'm tired." She yawned.

"I'm tired too. It's late and I'm sure our little one will be getting up early." He noticed that she rubbed her head and wondered if she was being honest about the pain. He wanted to ask her what she wanted to talk about, but he also knew that she needed to do things on her own terms right now.

Huggy came by and picked the boys up from Starsky's around noon. He told them that he was going to take them to eat lunch at his place. Davey and Kenny loved going to The Pits and were excited when he showed up.

Jennifer had gone into the kitchen and made some iced tea. With Jeanne's help, she set the tea and glasses on the kitchen table. Jennifer took a box of tissues out of her purse and set it on the table. Starsky pulled out a chair for Jeanne and Hutch pulled out a chair for Jennifer. There was as eerie quiet around the table as Jennifer took a sip of her tea and saw the three pair of eyes that were on her. "Okay, I wanted us to talk about some things that I've been thinking about the past week."

"What's that?" Starsky slowly asked.

"First, this walking on eggshells around me is going to stop. I know that you are trying to be strong for me. I get it and I love you for it, but…" She bowed her head and hesitated.

"But what, Honey?" Hutch asked in his soothing voice that always melted her heart.

With sheer determination she lifted her head up and said, "Let's get it all out now. I mean the anger, the fear, sorrow, and whatever other emotions we've all been hiding until now. I need to hear it all. I want to hear everything you're feeling." She paused to allow them to digest what she really wanted from her. "I'll go first. Please, don't say anything until I'm done. I need to get all this out." They all nodded. "I'm mad. Yes, it angers me that I won't get to see Davey or Kenny grow up. I won't get to see their friendship develop over the years. I'm angry that I will leave my son without a mother or my husband without a wife to come home to. It breaks my heart to know that the boys won't remember me. And I guess I've been a little on edge, okay, I've been downright bitchy the past few days. I guess I resent the fact that the three of you will get to see my son grow up and I won't. I fell sad and sorry that I will be leaving Hutch behind to raise a child alone. I know you two have been thinking about quitting the force and I don't want that either. I don't want to die knowing I was the cause of Bay City's finest leaving the force. You have to work out a plan to make it work. Jeanne, I know you will always be there for both of them. Talk to Edith, Huggy or whoever you need to, but please work something out. Don't quit, you love what you do and you're good at it. I'm scared too. Although, I'm not as scared as I was when I first found out. We're all adults here and we know better than anyone that no one lives forever. I love you all so much and I'm going miss you. Get this all out now so we can move forward and we can all enjoy each other as long as we can." She looked at the stunned faces and said, "That felt good. Who's next?"

"How'd you know Starsky and I were thinking about quitting?"

"I know you and I know if you quit, he will too. You're too good at what you do. I know you're worried about the hours you work and the undercover assignments. But you have to work something out. The four of us can come up with a plan; can't we?"

Jeanne put her index finger in the glass of tea and twirled the ice around. "I'll take Davey on the nights you have to work, Hutch, and when you are undercover or any other time you need me too. You won't be raising him alone. I want and need to be in his life and yours. Edith has already volunteered to help out. I only work part time anyway so it won't be that hard to put a plan in place. I can schedule the days I work when you guys are supposed to be off and if you do get called in, we'll work out something. And while I'm at it, let me say that I'm angry too. I'm angry that you're going to leave me. You're my twin and I have known you my entire life. You've seen me through skinned knees and broken hearts. Our boys will grow up together and it hurts me to know that you will miss that. I love you and I don't want to lose you. There I said it. I don't want to lose you but I know there's nothing I can do about it. I will cry and I have a right too. I want to make the next few months as special as I can not only for you; but for all of us and Kenny and Davey. I'm scared of going through the rest of my life without you. I can and will help Hutch with Davey but I'm scared that it won't be enough. There are a lot of things that are not fair. This whole situation is not fair. I want you to know that the three of us will look out for and be there for each other, whatever the future holds and that's a promise." She bent her head down and started to cry. Jeanne had not cried in front of Jennifer since the day she found Jennifer had a tumor.

Starsky scooted his chair next to Jeanne and held her as she cried on his shoulder. He patted her back. "Let it out. Let it all out now."

Jennifer was crying now and moved behind her sister and hugged her. "Felt good to get that out; didn't it?"

Jeanne was still crying but nodded. She grabbed a tissue from the box and dried her tears. She reached her hand up and patted Jennifer's arm. Starsky stepped toward Hutch as Jennifer walked around to the front of her sister and they cried on each other's shoulders. "It's okay, Jeanne. This is what I want. I want to know what you guys are feeling. I know you have all been working things out in your own minds and I want it out in the open. I guess I'm a little vain and want to hear how much you love and will miss me. It beats us going through the time I have left acting as if nothing's wrong. It will be easier for all of us if we talk about it."

Starsky put his hand Hutch's shoulder. He knew he couldn't take away the hurt his partner was feeling, but he could let him know that he wasn't going to face it alone.

After several minutes, Jeanne dried her tears again and sat up. She nodded to let Jennifer know that she was okay.

Starsky looked at Hutch then at Jennifer, "I promise that Hutch and I won't quit the force. We will find a way to work things out. Neither of us really wanted to quit. It was just one option we were considering." Starsky hugged Jennifer, "I know it's not going to happen right away and we still have time but I want to say this now. I love you and I'm glad you are my sister. Hutch was lucky when you walked into his life and this is the hardest thing that any of us will ever face. I want you to know that I will take care of Jeanne, Hutch and the boys. You know I always have and I always will. I'm angry that you will be leaving us so soon. I feel like we just got our lives how we want them and now it's going to change. It's not fair to any of us, least of all you." He wiped his eyes and kissed her forehead. "I do have a question that I haven't wanted to ask."

"Starsk, no," Hutch whispered.

Jennifer turned her gaze at Hutch. "Don't 'no' him, Honey. He needs to know." She looked back at Starsky who was now regretting saying anything. "You want to know what to expect toward the end, don't you?" He closed his eyes and turned his head away. He was sorry for bringing it up. "It's okay, Starsky. You have the right to know what's going to happen. Jeanne and I both know what to expect, and I guess I took it for granted that you both did too. My headaches will get worse, probably within the next couple of weeks. They have been getting more frequent." Hutch looked surprised. "I know, I haven't said anything but honestly you three have been tip toeing around me so much I've been afraid to sneeze. As of today, I promise I will let you know when things change. Right now my headaches are manageable. I do not have to take very many of the pain pills. My vision has only been blurry a couple of times and even then only a few minutes. My vision will get worse as time goes on. I will probably start having dizzy spells too. But I think that won't be for a while yet." Jennifer was surprised at how calm she could be talking about her own illness. This wasn't some patient she was talking about; it wasn't a patient's family she was describing things to. This was a tumor in her head; this cancer was killing her and she was describing what she was expecting to happen to her own family. Yet, she felt a calmness come over her that she hadn't felt since it all began. She felt a little relieved to finally get it all out in the open. "In the end, my energy will be almost non-existent and I will sleep a lot. I may become disoriented and lose my eyesight but that won't happen until the very end."

"The boys. What do we tell them and when?" Starsky said in a voice so low it was almost unheard.

"They deserve to know but I don't think they should be told just yet. Let's wait a while longer," Jeanne said. A thought just entered her head and she gasped ever so slightly but didn't want to bring it up.

Jennifer heard the gasp, "What is it?"

"Davey's birthday's next month," Jeanne said. She glanced at Hutch who shuddered. Jennifer's tears started flowing again. Starsky handed her another tissue and rubbed her shoulders. She didn't know a person could cry that much in such a short period of time.

Jennifer took a sip of her tea and her chin started to quiver as she choked out the words, "It'll be the last one I'll see him have." She bowed her head. Hutch knelt in front of her and she put her head on his shoulder and cried.

He held her tight and stoked her soft-brown hair and said, "Let's make it special." She nodded. Hutch looked at Starsky then Jeanne. His heart couldn't have hurt more if someone had ripped it out of his chest and stomped on it. He didn't bother to hide his tears this time. "You think about what you want to do for his birthday and we'll make it happen, okay?"

She nodded. "Ken?" She rarely called him by his first name. They first met in the hospital after a car accident and he asked her then to call him Hutch out of habit. When they started dating it was just natural to her.

He stood up and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yes?"

"It's your turn. I want to hear how angry and upset you are. I don't want you to hold it back anymore."

"Oh, Honey, I'm not…" He saw the look he was getting from Starsky. Starsky knew him better than he knew himself. Hutch was trying not to be angry, but the truth was he was angry and he let it show. He let all of his anger, fear and sadness come out. "Okay, I am angry, and I'm scared and I hate this all of this. When we were married it was supposed to last until we were old and gray and sitting on a porch swing and watching our grandkids play in the front yard. When he grows up, I have to tell our son, our precious little boy, how much you loved him. I'll remind him that you liked to read to him and take him to play in the park and all the other things that you did with and for him. And it's not fair. It's not fair that he won't remember you and it's not fair that I have to live my life without you. I don't want to work right now. I just want to spend every minute I can with you but I know I can't. I feel guilty too. I'm your husband and I'm supposed to protect you. And, God, I feel so helpless. I feel like there should be something I can do. I leave for work and wonder if you'll be there when I get home. I love you so much and am going to miss you and think of you every day. I would trade places with you if I could." Hutch couldn't go on anymore. Starsky saw the energy drain from his partner and guided him to a chair. Hutch folded his arms on the table and put his head on them and cried. Starsky patted his back and squeezed his shoulder but Jennifer and Jeanne just let him get it out. There wasn't a dry eye in the house, but it's what they all needed.

"Okay, well, I think the pity party can end for now at least," Jennifer said as she refilled everyone's glasses with more iced tea. "I don't know about you guys, but I feel a hell of a lot better. I hated keeping everything all bottled up and I needed to hear your thought, fears and anger."

Jeanne stood up and went into the bathroom and returned with a bottle of aspirin. "I do feel better, I guess. But I have a headache." She opened the bottle of aspirin and held the bottle up, "Anyone else?"

Starsky was the first one to hold out his hand out, palm up. Hutch slowly held his hand out too, "I'll take three, please." He flashed a half grin at Jennifer.

During those first couple of weeks, word about Jennifer's condition spread around the station like a wild fire. During the following month everyone offered their sympathies and their help. Several times, Hutch would find homemade dinners left in boxes on his desk with nothing indicating who they were from. There were many cards of well wishes and flowers sent to the house. It was a reminder that he was about to lose the love of his life and the mother of his son but it made him feel good to know that so many people cared about Jennifer and what they were going through.

Starsky and Hutch were on the way to see Huggy about a lead he had on a robbery suspect they were after when a call came out on the radio, "All units in the area of 1730 Maple Lane for reports of a woman screaming." Hutch picked up the mike, glanced at Starsky and said, "That's just a block away." He keyed the mike and said, "Zebra three responding."

When Starsky brought the Torino to a screeching halt in front of the house they could hear a woman screaming from the one-story white house. Hutch reached the front door first and knocked loudly, "Police, open up."

No one came to the door, but they heard a woman yell, "No, please no more."

Starsky glanced at Hutch and they both took their guns out of their holsters. They had been partners so long that there was no counting before breaking the door down. They had that routine down so well that they each knew their role. Hutch would kick the door in and go in high while Starsky bent down and went in low and that's just how they gained entry. Immediately, Hutch saw the heavyset, six-foot tall man twisting a woman's arm behind her back. They were in the kitchen and she was crying and yelling from the pain. She also had bruises on her face including a black left eye.

The man looked at Hutch and said, "This is my wife and what I do is none of your business."

Something in Hutch snapped and he put his gun back in his holster and ran to the man and gave him a right cross he would never forget. The man instantly let go of his wife's arm and tried to hit Hutch who ducked and slugged him in the stomach. Hutch then hit the man in the face again and blood spewed out of the man's nose and mouth. Hutch threw him on the floor. While this was going on, Starsky grabbed the woman and took her into the living room and sat her on the couch to keep her safe. He noticed her deformed arm and saw the bruises on her face that Hutch had seen. He picked up a throw pillow that was on the couch and carefully laid the woman's arm on it. Starsky reassured her that everything was okay. He was about to pick up the phone and call for an ambulance when he saw Hutch on the ground hitting the man over and over again. Starsky saw tears running down Hutch's face and blood was spurting out of the man's mouth and nose. The man was yelling, "Are you crazy? I give up already."

Starsky put the phone down and ran over to Hutch and pulled him off the man. "Hutch, it's enough. That's enough." Hutch turned and was about to swing again until he realized it was Starsky that was holding him back. Starsky gave Hutch a look that told Hutch he understood the anger but he'd gone too far. Hutch gave Starsky a look that told him he was sorry. They nodded at each other. Hutch walked out of the house and sat in the car to wait for Starsky.

The man stood up and yelled, "You leave, Pig. I'll have your badge for what you did."

Starsky's nerves were hanging by a thread now and he slammed the man into the wall and patted him down. "You're lucky, I pulled him off you." Starsky put the handcuffs on him and turned him over to the uniformed officer that arrived. "Get him outta my sight."

"Yes, Sir," the young officer said.

The ambulance came and the paramedics decided the husband needed to be checked out at the hospital. They arranged for another unit to take him while they transported the wife. No one thought transporting them both in the same ambulance was a good idea.

As they were driving back to the station Hutch said, "I'm sorry, Starsk. I just totally lost it when I saw him beating on his wife like that." Hutch was mad and hit the dashboard. Here he was about to lose his own wife and this scum was beating up his.

"I know, Partner. I know. Hey, I think…"

"Don't, Starsk. Don't fix the report. I did it and I'll take full responsibility for it. I don't want you involved. I'll talk to Chief Sterling when we get back."

Hutch left Chief Sterling's office and saw Starsky was sitting on the back of the chair at his desk. He was anxiously awaiting news on what Hutch's punishment was going to be. "Well?" He said when Hutch didn't say anything when he walked by him.

"Suspended, one week."

Starsky put his feet on the floor and was about to follow Hutch when he heard Chief Sterling call him into his office. Hutch looked back at Starsky and said, "He probably wants to know if you think I'm stable enough to work anymore."

Starsky patted Hutch's arm, "Don't worry, Buddy, I got your back."

"Call me later. I'm going home," Hutch said.

Starsky nodded and walked into the Chief's office closing the door behind him. "You wanted to see me, Chief."

"I want your take on what happened today."

"If you ask me, I think the guy fell down some stairs."

"Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say." The chief huffed. "Starsky, we both know what happened. Hutch has it all in his report. I gave him a week off."

"Chief…"

"Don't 'Chief' me, Starsky. I know what Hutch is going through at home. That's why I only gave him a week off. But what I want to know…"

"He'll be okay, Chief."

"He'd better be. I managed to smooth things over with IA this time, but there'd better not be a next time." The Chief's words were stern but Starsky could tell that he was concerned about Hutch too.

"Thanks, Chief. I'll talk to him." Starsky left knowing he didn't really need to say anymore to Hutch about the incident. He knew Hutch felt bad enough about the incident and it would not happen again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Davey's Party

At Jennifer's request, the four of them had more discussions about her condition. She made it clear to Hutch, Starsky and Jeanne that she knew they would all have their good days and bad days and it was okay to show all the emotions they had. It helped her to express her own anxieties, fears, anger and everything else she was feeling. Huggy and Edith helped with the boys so they could talk without the boys being present.

Jennifer talked to Hutch about giving Starsky and Jeanne custody of Davey if anything ever happened to him. There had been several times during his career that Hutch had ended up hospitalized and it would make things easier if Starsky and Jeanne had written documents giving them custody during those times. Hutch thought it was a good idea and had a lawyer help him draw up the papers. Hutch made Starsky his Power of Attorney. So he could make medical decisions for him if need be. Starsky was Hutch's POA before he married Jennifer. It came in handy more than once.

Jennifer talked to Jeanne about Davey's upcoming birthday and couldn't decide what she wanted to do to make it special. She said a silent prayer one night, when Hutch was at work, before going to bed, "God, I know I'm going to be with you soon. Please let this birthday be special for Davey. It's the last one I'll get to see him have and he's so young. I'm going to miss them all so much. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful family. And I know you'll be watching over them when I'm gone."

Jennifer thought about hiring a clown, then a real cowboy, and various other themes came to their minds but nothing really appealed to her. Jeanne and Jennifer were watching the boys play in the park a week before Davey's birthday. They were taking turns going down the slide "I got it!" Jeanne said.

"I hope it's not contagious," Jennifer said.

"No. I mean I know exactly what to do for Davey's party. It'll be perfect."

She told Jennifer her idea and she loved it. "The guys are working late, but I'll tell Hutch when he gets in. He'll love it."

Jennifer was tired from being at the park and she had another bad headache but she wanted to be awake when Hutch came home. She was excited about the idea Jeanne came up with for Davey's party and wanted to tell him about it. She told him all about the idea after he took his shower. No matter how late he got home, he always took a shower. He told Jennifer it was his way of washing away some of the dirt and filth he saw on the streets. He was happy she was excited and he loved the party idea and agreed it would be perfect. He could tell that Jennifer was having another headache and handed her a glass of water along with one of the pills that were now being taken more frequently.

It was a beautiful day without a cloud in the sky the day of the party. "Dad, where are we going?" Davey asked as Hutch bent down and tied his shoe.

"You'll see, Son."

Davey looked at Jennifer hoping she would tell him but instead she said, "Someplace and guess who were going to see?"

"Who?" He asked excitedly.

"People," was her reply. She giggled seeing his anticipation.

By the time they drove to the little picnic spot in the mountains, Huggy and the Dobey's already had everything set up. There was a banner stretched between two trees that said Happy Birthday Davey in big red letters, a picnic table with brightly wrapped presents on it and another table full of foods including a cake. Davey got out of Starsky's van as soon as Hutch said he could. He ran to Huggy and hugged him. "Uncle Huggy, you came to my party."

"Of course I did, my little man. I wouldn't miss it." Huggy looked up and smiled at Jennifer.

Davey let go of Huggy and went to Dobey next, "Cheep, you came too? And Mrs. Edith, Cal and Rosie."

Hutch giggled when Davey mispronounced Chief. He could never quite say Chief and it always came out Cheep. Harold just smiled at Davey and ignored Hutch. "Of course we came, Davey, we're all family."

Davey turned around and ran back to his parents. "Starsky, Uncle Dave, Jeanne, Uncle Huggy, the Cheep, my whole family's here!" Davey called Kenny, Starsky and Kenny called Davey, Hutch. It was a little confusing at times to have the boys named after their father's partner and call each other Starsky and Hutch but everyone thought it was cute.

"Yes, Davey. We thought you would like a party with your family here. This is a family birthday party. How's that sound?" Jennifer said. Family was important and that's what she wanted to instill in her young son.

"I love it, Mommy. I love my family," Davey said smiling. "Look, Uncle Kiko and Aunt Molly are here too!"

Kiko and Molly pulled up just in time to help Starsky and Hutch unload the van. Kiko grinned, "It's still hard to believe you have a van, Starsky."

Starsky carried a bag to the table, "Yeah, well having a wife and kids changes everything." He saw the look he received from Jeanne and added, "For the better."

He grinned at his wife who said, "Nice save." She smiled and carried a box to the table.

Huggy started the grill while Jennifer took Davey on a short hike. This would be the last birthday party she would be with him and she wanted to be alone with him a little while. They talked about what they saw as they walked. Davey saw some bugs and looked up when he heard some birds.

She took him on a little path that went to an overlook and they sat down on a big rock and looked at the city below. "It looks so small, Mommy."

"Yeah it does. Do you like seeing all the trees here?"

"It's pretty, just like you."

Jennifer hugged him and said, "I love you, Davey. I want you to always remember that, okay?" Her heart was breaking and she had to choke back her tears.

"I know you love me, so does Daddy. I love you too." A yellow butterfly landed on his tiny hand and he lifted it up to show Jennifer. "Look, a yellow flutterby. That's your favorite." Davey couldn't quite say butterfly yet and it made Jennifer laugh.

"Yes, I love yellow butterflies," she said butterflies slowly so he could hear how it was supposed to be pronounced.

He was fascinated by the tiny creature that crawled on his hand and up his arm. "It tickles," he grinned.

They stayed and talked about the butterfly and the colors of leaves on the trees and other things they saw while they were just sitting there on the rocks. Jennifer wished the time would stand still, just for a little while longer. She wanted to remember this moment and she wanted him to remember it. She finally stood up and brushed off her pants and said, "Let's get back and see if your Uncle Huggy has the hot dogs ready." He held her hand as they walked back to the others.

When Davey saw his dad he let go of Jennifer's hand and said, "We saw a yellow flutterby, Daddy. It walked on my arm."

Hutch smiled, "You did."

"Uh uh, and we saw trees."

"Well how about seeing these hot dogs disappear," Huggy said as he set down the plate of perfectly grilled hot dogs on the picnic table next to the other food that had been prepared. Edith made potato salad and baked beans, Kiko and Molly brought chips and punch with ice cream, Starsky and Jeanne brought deviled eggs, fried chicken, macaroni salad. And there was the cake. Huggy made the cake and would not allow anyone near it. He smacked Starsky's hand when he tried to take a peek.

While the others were finishing up, Hutch noticed Jennifer closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. He put his arm around her and whispered, "You okay?"

She nodded. "It's just another headache. I'll be fine and before you ask, I don't want another pill. It will make me sleepy. I'll take one when we get home if it doesn't get better."

Davey stood up so he could see the cake when it was set in front of him. His mouth gaped opened. "I love it." On the cake was a picture of Jennifer, Hutch, Starsky, Jeanne, Kenny and Davey. They were all smiling and looked very happy.

Jennifer stood up and walked over to Huggy and said, "It's perfect, Huggy, thank you."

"Anything for my family. This party was a good idea," Huggy said.

After cake and ice cream, it was time for Davey to open his presents. Kenny gave Davey an 8x10 photograph of Davey and Kenny to put on his wall in his room. It was a good picture of the two of them that was taken right after they had played in the mud after a storm a month ago. The boys had their arms around each other's necks and they were covered from head to toe in mud. In fact, about the only thing you could see was their white teeth. Davey always liked that picture and said it should be called 'best friends'. Starsky and Jeanne gave him a small photo album full of pictures of his family. The first picture was one of Jennifer by herself. There was another one of her holding Davey in the hospital the day he was born. Other pictures included Starsky, Jeanne and Kenny. There were also pictures of everyone who was at the party. "Davey, I'll add the pictures from this party at the end when they come back," Jeanne told him.

"I love family pictures," Davey said as he flipped through some of pictures.

Starsky bent down in front of Davey and said, "And we've got something else for you too. We'll it's for you and Kenny both."

"What is it?"

Starsky took a deep breath and said, "We're putting bunk beds and a dresser in Kenny's room, so when you stay you can have your own bed and dresser."

Davey looked confused. He turned toward Jennifer, "Mommy, what's bunk beds?"

Jennifer smiled and said, "Do you remember seeing one bed on top of the other one at the store?"

"With a ladder going to the top bed?"

She nodded and said, "Those are called bunk beds."

Davey looked at Kenny, "Starsky, we get bunk beds in your room!" He was excited and his little face was all smiles. Starsky hugged Jeanne who turned her head away. Hutch had his hand on Jennifer's shoulder. Starsky was putting bunk beds and a dresser in Kenny's room was because they knew he would be spending more time there. It was just another reminder that Jennifer would not be with them much longer and their lives would change forever.

Kenny said, "I like them, Hutch."

Chief Dobey and his family gave Davey a real police uniform in his size. It came completed with a real Bay City police patch and even a police badge and hat. He tried it on and said, "Mommy, take my picture. Aunt Jeanne can put it in the book."

Jennifer thought Davey looked so cute in his police uniform. She wondered if he would grow up to be on the force like his dad. She died a little inside when she realized that she would never know. She was determined to make this the best birthday for him and she put a fake smile on her face and took several pictures.

Huggy gave Davey a new bike and explained that he couldn't bring it today but he would bring to his house the next day.

Kiko and Molly gave Davey money and promised to take him shopping and out to lunch wherever he wanted to go. Davey held up the two twenty dollar bills and said, "I got two monies."

The last present was an envelope from his parents. He carefully opened it and took out six tickets. "What's these?"

Hutch bent down and said, "Those are tickets do Disneyland."

"Disneyland! I'm going to Disneyland!"

"We're taking Starsky, Jeanne and Kenny too," Jennifer said with a smile.

Starsky put his hand on Hutch's shoulder, "Hutch." It was in that you-shouldn't -have tone. Starsky knew Disneyland was expensive and didn't want Hutch to pay for the whole trip.

"Trust me, Starsk, it's okay." He winked at his partner. "We want to do this."

Starsky bowed his head and nodded, "Okay."

It had been a good birthday for Davey and that's what they all wanted. Davey wanted Kenny to stay the night and Jennifer was glad to have him. Kenny was as much of a son to her as Davey was. She loved them both dearly.

Davey was excited and when Jennifer finally put them to bed and Davey said, "Mommy, I want to wear my police hat and Kenny to wear my badge to sleep. We're gonna be partners like Daddy and Uncle Dave."

Jennifer took the police hat off the dresser and put it on Davey's head. He smiled and said, "Thanks, Mommy. This is the bestest birthday ever."

"I'm glad you had a good birthday. I love you Davey." She hugged him so tight he could barely breathe. She finally let go of him and tucked him into bed.

She removed the badge from the police shirt and pinned it on Kenny's pajama top. "Thanks, Aunt Jennifer. I love you."

"I love you too, Kenny." She held him and rocked him back and forth a few minutes before she put his head on the pillow. She turned the night light on and the overhead light off as she left the room.

Hutch was waiting for Jennifer on the couch after she put the boys to bed. She sat down next to him and put her head on his shoulder. "This was a good day. I'm glad he had a good birthday." She closed her eyes and made small circles with her index finger on her right temple.

He put his arm around her and said, "Let's get you to bed and I'll get you a pill."

Her head was pounding and she nodded and let him help her up. "Honey, we need to take that trip to Disneyland soon, okay."

"Chief Sterling said I could take it anytime. What do you say we go next week? I'll check with Jeanne and see when she's off." They were walking down the hall toward their bedroom.

"I can't think right now, will you make the arrangements?"

"Of course I will." He stopped walking and turned so that he was facing her. "I love you, you know."

"I know. I love you too."

It was two weeks before they could arrange their schedules to go to Disneyland. They spent three wonderful days there and it was worth the wait. They didn't see everything there was to see, but they saw everything they wanted to see. The boys had a great time and were thrilled to have their picture taken with Mickey Mouse and Goofy. Hutch promised Davey that he could hang the pictures on one of the walls in his room. The trip tired Jennifer out and by the end of each day she'd have one of her headaches, but she wanted to spend this time with all of them together. She wanted it to be a happy time full of good memories and it was.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Making Memories

Another month had gone by, Jennifer was having more and more headaches and they were getting worse. She was beginning to get dark circles under her eyes. She tried to conceal them with makeup, but Hutch, Jeanne and Starsky knew about them. They also noticed Jennifer was losing weight too. These changes were expected but frightening to see. Jennifer suspected the cancer was growing faster than Dr. Owens originally thought. She insisted on having regular get-togethers with Starsky and Jeanne to talk about how everyone was coping. Talking about their love for each other was never a problem, but talking about the loss they were about to experience was difficult. Talking like that might not have worked with most families, but the Hutchinson's and Starsky's were not like most families. Jennifer had no doubts that Starsky, Jeanne and Hutch would be there for each other and the boys. She took great comfort in that.

At times each of them went through the stages of grieving and loss in their own way. The anger, fear, and depression eventually turned into acceptance and they did a lot of reflecting on the life they had together. Jeanne and Jennifer of course had been with each other their entire lives and had a lot of photo's and memories they shared with each other. They shared some of those stories with their husbands. Jennifer was always proud that she was a nurse and helped others. She felt like she did something important with her life. If her life was going to end soon she didn't have any regrets about it. She did have regrets about leaving her son without a mother but knew that Jeanne would fill that role. Jeanne wasn't so sure she would be everything Davey needed, but she would do her best and he would always know that he was loved and would be well cared for.

Jennifer was able to spend a lot of time with Davey alone and with Jeanne and Kenny. Davey never asked about why she didn't work anymore; he was just happy to have her home all the time. Sometimes she would take Davey to the park or they would stay home and watch some of Davey's favorite cartoons on TV. The park was one of his favorite places to go. He especially liked it when he they took Kenny and Jeanne with them. Jennifer could see a very special bond forming between Davey and Kenny. Sure, they were cousins, but their bond was more than that. They reminded her so much of Starsky and Hutch and the friendship they had. She was glad that her son would have a life-long friend in his life. She hugged Davey and Kenny as much as she could and told them every day how much she loved them.

She took him to see Huggy a lot too. Jennifer talked to Huggy about Starsky. She knew that Starsky would be the rock that would hold Hutch and Jeanne together after she was gone and she was worried about him. He would need someone to go to and she knew that would be Huggy. Huggy always had a soft spot in his heart for Starsky and Hutch and was happy when they finally settled down and were married. Jennifer always liked Huggy. He always seemed to be there when they needed him the most. She didn't know how he came up with the information he did but his special abilities saved Starsky and Hutch quite a few times. She felt as if she could talk to him about almost anything and he always made her smile. Huggy told her that he a special place in his heart where she would always be. Huggy also promised he would always be around to help Hutch with Davey.

Huggy arranged to watch Davey and Kenny one day so that Jeanne could take Jennifer out for the day. It was a great day for them both. It started off with a visit to a local spa where they were pampered for hours. They had a mud bath, facials, manicures, pedicures and even a massage. It was so relaxing and just a great time to forget about all the problems in the world. They had a nice lunch at a little place on the beach called Sam's Seafood. After that, they walked on the beach. When the sun started setting, they walked out on the pier and watched the sunset. The sun setting over the Pacific Ocean is a beautiful sight. The sun looked like a bright yellow ball dipping into the sea turning the blue ocean water a bluish-silver color. The colors of the clouds reflected in the shimmering water. It was one of Jennifer's favorite sights. Every sunset was its own unique creation depending on the clouds, smog and other factors. Jennifer always said it looked like one of God's angels was playing with water colors. They finished their outing by having dinner at The Pits with Huggy and the boys. They had had fun with Uncle Huggy and told Jeanne and Jennifer all about their day. He had taken them to an amusement park. The boys were full of youthful excitement, Huggy looked tired and worn out but happy. He loved spending the time with Davey and Kenny.

Davey was already asleep when Hutch came home from work and after his shower she told him all about her day. She said she felt more alive today than she had in a long time and was really happy. Hutch picked his guitar up and sat next to her on the bed and said, "This is a Jim Croce song but I like it and it's how I feel." He strummed a couple of chords to make sure the guitar was in tune then sang.

If I could save time in a bottle  
The first thing that I'd like to do  
Is to save every day  
Till Eternity passes away  
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever  
If words could make wishes come true  
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,  
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time  
To do the things you want to do  
Once you find them  
I've looked around enough to know  
That you're the one I want to go  
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes  
And dreams that had never come true  
The box would be empty  
Except for the memory  
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time  
To do the things you want to do  
Once you find them  
I've looked around enough to know  
That you're the one I want to go  
Through time with

He put the guitar back in its stand in the corner of the room, sat back on the bed and said, "I may not get to go through all of time with you, but you're the one that be on my mind through all of time." He kissed her gently. "I love you so much and I always will."

With tears in her eyes she said, "I love you too." They leaned back on the bed and fell asleep in each other's arms.

Jennifer thought a lot about Hutch the following day. She knew, from dealing with families as a nurse, that a lot of people felt guilty for having fun or being happy after a loved one passed. It was as if they needed permission to move on with their lives and to be happy again. She had talked to Hutch some about moving on with his life but not about his happiness. She thought about it a long time and decided that she did want him to be happy and to even marry again if he fell in love. She wanted all that for him and for Davey. She knew he wouldn't like that conversation but she wanted him to hear it directly from her.

She talked to Hutch when he came home from work that night and told him that she wanted him to be happy and go on with his life. She told him that if he ever fell in love, she wanted him to marry. When he started to protest the whole conversation, she said she didn't expect him to marry next week. They shared a short laugh. She said it would have to be someone really special and he would have to really love her. His heart wasn't in it, but to please her he promised that if he ever fell in love again he knew he had her blessing. That was the best promise he could make her.

The boxes of prepared meals kept appearing on Hutch's desk. He came home one night with another box that had a pot of spaghetti, a big salad and garlic bread in it that had been left anonymously on Hutch's desk and she said, "Honey, I love the guys you work with but honestly," she opened the refrigerator to reveal that it was full, "how much do they think we can eat. And there's stuff and Jeanne's too."

He smiled, "At least we don't have to cook." He set the box on the counter and took out the pot of spaghetti and put it on the stove. He turned the burner on and said, "Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes." He pulled her toward her hugged her tight.

Starsky picked Hutch up for work early one morning. They had some reports that needed to be completed and they had court later in the afternoon. On the way to the station Starsky reached across the front seat and squeezed Hutch's shoulder. "We need to see Chief Sterling when we get to the station. Hutch, I know you don't like surprises but you're in for one. Hutch didn't say anything; he slowly turned his head toward his partner and stared at him. Starsky flashed him a half smile and said, "Trust me, Partner." Hutch turned back toward the window and nodded.

Hutch noticed everyone looking at him as he walked toward the Chief's office. It made him uncomfortable and nervous. He didn't like surprises especially when he was already hanging by a thread. "Trust me," Starsky whispered just loud enough for Hutch to hear. "It'll be okay." They reached the Chief's office and went in, as they usually did without knocking. Starsky sat in the chair on the left side of the desk and Hutch sat on the arm of the same chair.

Chief Sterling looked at Starsky, "Does he know?"

"No, he doesn't know and he would like to know what's going on?" Hutch said a little aggravated.

Chief Sterling picked up a folder that was lying on his desk and handed it to Hutch. "As of 1700 hours today, you Mr. Hutchinson are officially on an extended leave of absence."

"I'm what?" Hutch opened the file. "But I don't understand, I only have two weeks left, this says I can take up twelve weeks."

"Hutch, everyone in the department has donated some of their days off so you can spend this time with Jennifer," Chief Sterling said. He added, "I know you have a few subpoenas and I can't do anything about them, but the rest of the time is yours."

Hutch closed his eyes and pinched his nose. He started to drop the file, but Starsky gently took it from him and handed it back to Chief Sterling. He was overwhelmed with gratitude. 'I…I…don't know what to say," Hutch said as he sniffed and held back his tears. Starsky patted Hutch's back.

"You don't need to say anything right now. Just be with your lovely wife and tell her you love her," Chief Sterling said.

Hutch nodded and wiped his tears. "You knew about this, Starsk?"

"Yeah. A couple of the guys asked me about it a couple of weeks ago. Everyone wanted to give you as much time as we could."

"Thanks," Hutch managed to mutter. To Hutch, a simple thanks would never be enough. He was just given a very precious gift; the chance to spend more time with his wife. "What about you, Partner? I can't leave you on the streets alone."

"We've thought about that too, Buddy. I figure it will take me at least a week to finish those reports."

"After that, I'll assign him to Reynolds and Johnson. They've been working on some missing goods from the dock area and could use the help. We'll just play it by ear after that case."

"It's not as good as working with you every day, but I'll manage."

"I don't even know what to say," Hutch said as soon as he composed himself and could speak again.

"Say you'll help me with a couple of those reports before we go to court."

"You got it, Partner."

Hutch stood up and started to say something else to Chief Sterling but the Chief said, "It's better than having you get suspended again." He smiled at Hutch. "Hutch, we're all here for you, don't forget that."

"I haven't, Sir." He nodded as he closed the door behind him.

Starsky and Hutch worked on some reports before they headed off to court. It was a sentencing hearing for a drug dealer they had arrested a couple of months ago. The suspect was sentenced to three years. Hutch thought he should have received more time, but that's how it went sometimes.

When he got home Hutch told Jennifer the news and she was overjoyed at the outpouring of love and support they had been given through the whole ordeal. She told Hutch that she wanted him to take her to the station and thank everyone in person for all the meals, flowers, cards and support they had shown them. She especially wanted to thank them for giving him the time to spend time with her. He promised to take her in a couple of days.

Hutch enjoyed spending the time with Jennifer and Davey. Jeanne took care of Davey a few times so Hutch could be alone with Jennifer too. Hutch took Jennifer to the pier several times to watch the sun as it was setting over the Pacific Ocean. They took Davey to the zoo and had picnics in the park. There were a lot of photos that were taken. Hutch wanted to remember everything he possibly could. He also wanted to be able to show Davey the photos someday and tell him all about his mother and how much she loved him.

One day Jennifer decided that she would like a professional photograph taken of the six of them. She didn't know why, but she wanted them all to wear white. They took several poses but the one everyone liked the best was the one where Kenny and Davey were standing next to each other in front of their parents. They were all smiling and appeared to be very happy. Davey and Kenny had their mothers' emerald-green eyes and they were as bright as their smiles.

Jennifer had made a list of things she really wanted to do when she first found out that she was sick. She took it out of her purse and looked at it. The first thing on the list was to get Jeanne, Hutch and Starsky to open up about their feelings and helping them to voice their own fears and anger. "Did that," she said aloud as she took a pen out of her purse and marked it off. The second thing on her list was to make Hutch promise not to quit the department. She smiled and checked it off. Next, was to make sure Davey had a special birthday party that he would remember for a long time. He was so young that she knew he wouldn't remember much about it, but there were pictures taken and he did have fun. Another check mark went beside that one. Spend as much time with everyone and enjoy my family was the last thing on the list. She looked at the pictures on the wall in the living room. They were full of smiling faces and memories of good times. There were picture of all of them together and pictures of her alone with each of them. These pictures included the Dobey's, Kiko, Molly and Huggy. She considered each of them members of the family.

She asked Hutch if they could host a BBQ at their place on Saturday and he said that he would do whatever she wanted. A BBQ sounded like a good idea to him too. She wanted to invite just about everyone they knew. The people Hutch worked with had been so great about sending them cards, flowers and meals. Jennifer could feel her headaches getting worse and they were more frequent. This BBQ would be her way of saying goodbye to some of her friends. She didn't tell Hutch that, she just said she wanted a nice get-together with all of their friends. Starsky knew how much Jennifer valued photographs and he took a bunch of them for her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The Beginning of the End

Two more weeks had gone by. The dark circles under Jennifer's eyes were darker and her eyes looked they were almost sunken in. She was very thin, her hair was dry and brittle and she was very weak.

Starsky was still working with Reynolds and Johnson at the station. Chief Sterling didn't have the heart to assign him a temporary partner after they cracked the case they had been working on. Chief Sterling knew Reynolds and Johnson would benefit from Starsky's expertise. Chief Sterling also knew that Hutch did not need the extra anxiety of having his partner paired up with anyone else. Starsky and Hutch had worked several cases with Reynolds and Johnson and Hutch appeared to be okay with the arrangement.

Jennifer and Jeanne had taken the boys to the park while Starsky and Hutch were in court. Jennifer and Davey were making faces at each other when Davey stuck his tongue out at her. Jennifer laughed and stuck out her tongue too. Davey laughed and said, "It's crooked, Mommy."

Jeanne was handing Kenny a juice box and looked up to see that Jennifer's tongue was sticking out but instead of being straight it was pointing to the left side of her mouth. Jennifer put it back in her mouth and laughed. Jeanne handed Davey a juice box and looked at the ground. She didn't want to say anything in front of the boys.

When the boys went back to running around, Jeanne asked, "How long has that been going on?"

"I didn't notice it until Davey said something. Jeanne, I'm not feeling well. I'm getting dizzy. I think you need to help me get to the car. Get the boys and take me to your place."

"Okay," Jeanne said as she picked up her purse and Jennifer's both with one hand. She led Jennifer to the car and helped her get in the passenger side. "I'll get the boys and be right back." Jennifer nodded. Jeanne put the boys in the car and she took them all to her house.

The boys went in Kenny's room to play and Jennifer asked, "Will you call the station and leave a message for Hutch to pick us up here when he gets out of court?"

"Sure. Do you want me to call Dr. Owens?"

"No. I'll call him tomorrow."

The next day, Hutch took Jennifer to see Dr. Owens. Hutch was restless and squirming in his chair until Dr. Owens came holding a folder. Hutch stood up and shook hands with him and sat back down. Dr. Owens sat in the brown leather chair on the other side of his desk and opened the folder. He glanced over it a couple of minutes then took his glasses off and sat them on the desk. "Jennifer, I think you already know what I'm going to tell you."

Jennifer nodded, "It's grown," she said weakly.

"I'm afraid so. It's grown faster than I thought it would. Before yesterday, have you experienced any dizziness?"

"One day last week, but it was just for a minute after I stood up. I thought I just stood up too fast."

"How bad are the headaches? Any vision problems?"

"Her headaches have been slowly getting worse and more frequent and she has some blurry vision." Hutch answered.

"We've talked about this and you both know there's nothing more that can be done. I will prescribe a higher dose of the pain medication and keep you comfortable." His voice was calm and spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, but Jennifer and Hutch could hear the words that weren't spoken. The silent concern a doctor had for his patient and a former co-worker. There was sadness in his voice he was trying to hide.

"Dr. … Neil, how much?"

Dr. Owen knew Jennifer was asking how much time she had before the tumor would take her life. "You know I can only give you a rough estimate."

"We understand," Hutch said as he held tightly to his wife's hand.

"If it continues at its current rate…" he hesitated. But as a doctor he knew they wanted and deserved the truth and he sighed, "Two weeks maybe a little longer." He saw Hutch's eyes start to water. "Now that's just an estimate. You have to understand that. I can't predict anything for certain."

Jennifer leaned over to Hutch and they hugged each other. She wiped the tears from his face.

They decided on the way home that it was time to tell Davey. He had noticed Jennifer's increasing headaches and was asking about them. When they got home, Hutch called Starsky and told him what the doctor had said. He also told Starsky that they would be talking to Davey tonight. Starsky told Hutch that he would talk to Jeanne about telling Kenny too. He asked Hutch if the six of them could spend tomorrow together and Hutch thought that was a great idea. They would need each other.

After dinner Davey was washing his hands in the bathroom, Jennifer asked Hutch, "Are you ready for this?"

"No. But he has to know. He has to be told." He kissed Jennifer and added, "I love you so much, you know."

"I love you too. You are the love of my life, Ken Hutchinson and I don't regret a minute of being your wife."

Davey came out of the bathroom, "All clean and shiny." He smiled as he held up his clean hands.

Hutch sat on the couch and Jennifer sat next to him. "Son, come here a minute." He patted his knee so Davey would sit on it.

"Yes, Daddy?" Davey looked at his parents and asked, "Why do you look sad?"

"Do we look sad?" Jennifer asked him.

Davey nodded. "Am I in trouble?"

Hutch smiled, "No, Davey, you're not in trouble. We have something we need to talk to you about."

"Oh."

"Sweetheart, do you remember the gold fish you use to have?"

"He died."

"That's right. Do you remember where I told you he went?" Hutch asked. He reached out his hand to hold Jennifer's.

"You said he went to heaven and God was going to take care of him now."

"That's right." Jennifer let go of Hutch's hand and held Davey's. "Davey, you know the headaches I've been having." Davey nodded. "Well that's God's way of telling me that he needs me."

Davey frowned a minute then said, "You mean you're going to go to heaven."

"Yes," was all Hutch could manage to say at this point.

Davey looked at Jennifer with all the innocence of a young child and said, "But I don't want you to go to heaven. Can't you just tell God you don't want to go?"

"I wish it worked like that, but it doesn't," Jennifer said. She put Davey on her lap.

"Are you going to come back?"

"No, Davey. When I go to heaven, I can't come back."

"I won't see you anymore?"

"No, you won't," Hutch said. He closed his eyes and fought back the tears.

"You won't see Mommy either, Daddy?" Hutch shook his head no. "If I'm gooder will you stay, Mommy?"

Jennifer covered her mouth with her hand as she started crying. "Davey, Mommy's not leaving because of anything you did. You are a very good boy and she loves us both," Hutch said.

Davey hugged his mom and cried. She held him tight and Hutch patted his back. "It's okay to cry and be sad, Davey," Jennifer said.

Through his tears Davey asked, "Are you sad that you're leaving?"

"I'm very sad."

"Is Daddy leaving me too?"

"No, Son, I'm not leaving."

"When are you going, Mommy?"

"Well, that's a good question but I really don't know. I'm sick and I'm going to get sicker and no one knows for sure." Davey cried more and Jennifer just held him on her lap and rocked him back and forth.

He cried himself to sleep and Hutch picked him to carry him to bed. As Hutch covered Davey his little eyes opened. "Daddy, I don't want to go to sleep."

"It's bedtime, Son."

"But I'm scared Mommy won't be here when I wake up."

"Davey, I don't think she's going anywhere tonight. I want you to go to sleep. Tomorrow we're going to see Starsky, Jeanne and Kenny." Davey rolled onto his side and went to sleep.

Jennifer was still sitting on the couch after Hutch put Davey to bed. He sat next to her and held her as she cried. "Let it out, it's okay. I'm here," he said.

"That was so hard," Jennifer said as she dried her tears.

"It was," Hutch agreed.

She stayed in his arms a few minutes then said, "Hutch, make me a promise."

"Anything."

"When the time comes, I don't want to die at home. I don't want you or Davey to live with that memory. I want you to take me to the hospital, okay?"

"If that's what you really want." He bent forward and kissed her.

"It is."

It was decided that it would be best if Hutch brought Jennifer and Davey to Starsky's place the next day. Jennifer was having a bad day and needed to take some pretty strong pain pills. She didn't want to stay home, but she didn't have the energy to go to the park or anywhere else. If she got tired she could lay down on the couch or the bedroom.

When Kenny saw Hutch helping Jennifer out of the car he ran to her and hugged her. "Daddy said you were leaving."

Jennifer took Kenny's hand and walked with him inside while Hutch unbuckled Davey and took him inside.

Jennifer sat on the couch and Kenny sat next to her. "What did your Daddy tell you, Kenny?"

"He said you were going to heaven." Jennifer looked at Starsky who nodded. Jeanne was standing next to Starsky with her arm around his waist and her head on his shoulder.

Jennifer told Kenny that she was going to heaven. Davey sat next to Kenny on the couch. Kenny asked if he would see her after she went to heaven just like Davey had the night before. Davey said, "Mommy can't come back after she goes to heaven, Starsky."

"But I want you to stay," Kenny said.

Hutch picked Kenny up and sat next to Jennifer on the couch. He put Kenny on one knee and Davey on his other knee. Starsky and Jeanne came into the living room and sat on the love seat. The four of them tried to explain to the boys what was going to happen. Jennifer told them that she loved them all and didn't want to go away but she would be with God and she would be okay. Davey asked who would take care of him when his daddy was at work. Hutch told him that Jeanne would take care of him. They talked awhile about what was going to happen and they reassured the boys that they did nothing wrong. Davey was sure that if he was a good boy, Jennifer would stay.

Hutch noticed Jennifer gritting her teeth and blinking her eyes and sent the boys outside to play for a little while. After they left, Hutch said, "Honey, what's wrong."

Jennifer took a deep breath and rubbed her temple, "It's bad this time, Hutch. The worse one yet and I'm dizzy."

"You need to lie down and I'll get you some medicine," Hutch said.

Starsky stood up and helped Hutch guide Jennifer to the bedroom. Jeanne came in with a glass of iced tea and Hutch handed Jennifer one of the strong pain pills. Starsky and Jeanne left and Hutch sat on the side of the bed stoking her hair until she fell asleep.

It wasn't long before Hutch came out of the room. He was looking down toward the floor and he looked a little pale. "She'll probably sleep at least three hours those pills are pretty strong."

Starsky said, "It's okay, she can sleep as long as she wants to." Jeanne was sitting on the couch next to Starsky and put her hand on his knee. He reached out and gave it a gentle squeeze. She got up and went outside to watch the boys and to give Starsky and Hutch a few minutes alone.

Hutch looked out of the window and watched Davey and Kenny playing in the backyard. "I hope I can do this, Starsk."

Starsky knew Hutch was referring to raising Davey without Jennifer. Hutch sat down next to Starsky on the couch he put his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands together and rested his head on his hands. Starsky put his arm around Hutch and said, "You can. You're a terrific father and you won't be doing it alone. We've talked about this, Buddy. You're not alone. You never will be."

Hutch nodded, "I know. I know, Starsk. You know, she told me she wants to be in the hospital when she goes."

"She told me that, too."

Jennifer slept about three hours and when she woke up she was a little better but was still a bit dizzy. Jeanne sat with her in the bedroom for a while talking. Jennifer told Jeanne the conversation she had with Hutch about his being happy and having her blessing if he ever wanted to marry again. Jeanne said that she understood and would want the same for Starsky. Jennifer told Jeanne that she knew she didn't have much time left and that she was glad they had spent a lot of time the past few months together and that meant a lot to her. Jeanne said it meant a lot to her too. Jennifer went back to sleep for a little while longer.

By the time dinner was ready Jennifer was awake and was not as dizzy as she had been but her headache was pretty bad. Hutch helped her to the table. She couldn't eat but enjoyed being with everyone.

When Hutch parked the car in the garage, he told Jennifer to stay put and he would help her inside after he unbuckled Davey. Her head was pounding so bad all she could manage to do was slightly nod. Davey had fallen asleep on the way home but he woke up when Hutch unbuckled his car seat. "Okay, Son, stand next to me while I help Mommy, okay?"

Davey rubbed his eyes, "Okay, Daddy."

Hutch opened the car door for Jennifer and held her hand as she scooted out of the seat. He put his hand around her waist and held onto her arm as he helped her inside. Hutch glanced behind him to make sure Davey was following him inside. "Davey, you go on to bed and I'll be there in a minute. I'm going to help Mommy first."

"Okay," Davey said as he walked down the hall to his room.

"I got you, Honey," Hutch said as he helped Jennifer into the bedroom. He helped her change clothes and then he covered her up. He opened the pill bottle and handed her one along with a glass of water. "I'll be right back, I'm going to check on Davey." She nodded as she swallowed the pill.

Hutch came back a couple of minutes later to find Jennifer fast asleep. He crawled into bed and rolled on his side and held her as she slept. "I love you," he whispered into her ear as he dozed off.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I Am Not Afraid

"Hutch," Jennifer called.

"I'm right here," he said as he came into the room with the scrambled eggs she requested. It was around noon and she was just beginning to wake up. He set the plate down on the dresser and with a smile said, "Breakfast in bed for my lady," He kept the room as dark as he could because the light hurt her eyes. There was enough light shining through the edges of dark curtains for him see.

She was asleep before he could move the bed-side table into position. She slept most of the time now and would barely eat anything. Hutch sat on the bed and stroked her hair. He saw Davey standing in the doorway. "You can come in, Son."

Davey slowly walked over to Hutch and said, "Does Mommy's head hurt?"

"Yeah, Mommy's head hurts."

Davey stood and looked at her for a minute then he reached out his hand and rubbed hers. "I wish Mommy felt better."

"I do too, Son." Hutch sighed and picked Davey up and said, "What do you say I read you a book?"

"I like books. Daddy, will you read me Green Eggs and Ham?"

"Tell you what, you go get it and I'll make us a drink." Davey went to his room to retrieve the book. Hutch went into the kitchen and poured a glass of Kool-Aid for Davey and ice tea for himself. He brought the drinks into the living room and sat them on the coffee table. Hutch read to Davey while keeping an ear out for Jennifer. He had just finished reading when he heard Jennifer calling him. "Davey, Mommy's calling me. Why don't you go play in your room a little while? I'll call Aunt Jeanne and see if she'll bring Kenny over to play with you."

"Okay, Daddy." Davey jumped off the couch and went into his room.

Hutch sat on the bed next to Jennifer. "What is it, Honey?"

"You know I'm getting worse." She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Yes."

"Remember that promise you made me?"

Hutch knew Jennifer was talking about taking her to the hospital toward the end. She had told him that she didn't want to die at home. "I remember."

"Tomorrow, I want you to take me to the hospital."

Hutch gritted his teeth and said, "If that's what you still want."

"It is. But today I'd like it if you'd call Jeanne and ask her to come over with Starsky and Kenny but don't say anything about the hospital, please."

Hutch nodded. "Anything you want."

"Thank you."

Hutch smiled, "I'll make that call and be right back." Jennifer nodded.

When Hutch called Starsky, he didn't tell him what Jennifer had said about going to the hospital. She wanted to tell him that in person. He just asked them to come over.

Starsky knew that if Hutch had asked them to come over it was important. Jennifer had gotten worse the past couple of weeks and as much as they didn't want to admit it, they all knew the end was near.

Starsky, Jeanne and Kenny arrived in fifteen minutes. Starsky was supposed to work later, but he called Chief Sterling and told him he was going to take the day off to be with Hutch and Jennifer.

Jennifer seemed to have a little more energy a little later on in the afternoon. She even ate some baked chicken that Hutch and Jeanne made for her. With Hutch's help, she made it to the couch. The boys were playing outside and Jennifer asked for a glass of sweet tea, which Hutch brought her. Jennifer said, "I said months ago that I don't want to die at home and I still feel that way." Hutch was sitting next to her and squeezed her hand. "Tomorrow Hutch is taking me to the hospital. I feel like I still have a few days left, but I know the end is coming and I know you know it too." She drank a few sips of her tea.

Jeanne moved to the arm of the couch and hugged her twin. Starsky hugged her too. "Have you told Davey yet?" Jeanne asked.

"No. He knows I'm getting worse and that I hurt so much all the time. I'll tell him in the morning. I want to make this as easy for him as possible."

Starsky cut his eyes at Hutch and saw him close his eyes and sigh. He knew Hutch was doing his best to keep it together. Jennifer had said from the beginning that she wanted all of them to be honest about their thoughts and fears, but right now Hutch was trying to hide his concerns he had about Davey from Jennifer. Starsky moved so that he was standing behind Hutch and placed his hand on Hutch's shoulder. That reassuring touch from his partner and best friend meant a lot to Hutch. He glanced at Starsky and nodded.

Jennifer wanted to sit outside and watch the boys in the backyard so Hutch moved a chair outside then helped her to it. She enjoyed the fresh air but the light bothered her so Hutch gave her his sunglasses. The glasses helped and she was able to watch the boys play. Davey ran to her and hugged her when he saw that she was awake. Kenny gave her a hug and kiss too. She hugged them both with almost all the strength she had left.

While Jennifer and Jeanne were watching the boys play, Hutch walked into the kitchen. Starsky followed him sensing Hutch had something to say. "I tried to call the hospital this morning while she was sleeping to make arrangements…" Hutch sniffed and wiped his face with his hand.

Starsky reached his arm out and patted Hutch's shoulder, "I'll call, Hutch. It's okay." Hutch nodded. Starsky looked out the window and saw Jennifer smiling as she watched the boys playing. "Go…go sit with her." Starsky walked to the living room and called the hospital after Hutch was back outside. Starsky joined the others outside after the call was made. He nodded at Hutch to let him know it was taken care of and Hutch nodded back. No words were needed.

Jennifer was tired and Hutch helped her back to bed. She slept off and on the rest of the day. Starsky, Jeanne and Kenny stayed until it was after nine. Hutch told Starsky that it was okay for him to go on home. Starsky asked Hutch if he wanted him to take Davey with him but Hutch said that Jennifer wanted to talk to Davey in the morning. Starsky gave Hutch a short hug before he left. "Will you be around tomorrow?" Hutch asked.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else. What time are you going to take her?"

"I guess about ten. That will give her time to talk to Davey. She wants me to wake her up when he gets up in the morning."

"We'll meet you there."

"Thanks, Partner."

The next morning when Hutch woke up, he saw Jennifer smiling at him. "What are you smiling at?"

"You."

He smiled, "Me." He thought that she looked better than she had in a long time.

"I had the best dream last night, you know the kind of dream that you just know is real."

He rubbed her cheek with his index finger, "What did you dream?"

"I saw angels, Hutch. I mean real angels. They were so beautifully perfect. I know it sounds silly, but they were wearing these long, blinding-white gowns." She smiled. "And you know what? I'm not afraid anymore. They said I would be with them. I can't explain it, but I feel such a calm, peaceful feeling and I just know that everything is going to be okay." He stroked her hair. He wished he could feel peaceful. He felt anything but calm and peaceful.

"Does that mean you want to stay home a few more days?"

She shook her head no. "I still need you to take me to the hospital. I just want you know that it's okay. I want you to remember what I said before about you being happy again. I want you to live a long happy life."

They heard a tap on the bedroom door. Hutch smiled, "Must be Davey. Come in, Davey."

The door opened slowly and Davey walked to the bed. Hutch picked him up and put him on the bed. "Mommy, I love you."

"I love you too, Davey." Jennifer looked at Hutch. "Honey?"

Hutch knew that Jennifer wanted a few minutes alone with Davey and said, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Mommy, are you still sick?"

"Yes. Davey, we've talked about this. I'm not going to get better."

"Are you still going to see God?"

"Yes. I want you to listen to me, okay?" He nodded. "I asked Daddy to take me to the hospital today."

Davey frowned and put his head down, "Are you going to God today?"

"I don't think it will be today, but it will be soon."

"Are you scared?"

"No, Davey, I'm not scared and I don't want you to be either. Daddy is going to take care of you when I'm gone. You have a lot of people who love you and are going to help him." Davey put his bottom lip out and started to cry. She moved so that she was leaning against the headboard and put him on her lap. She rocked him back and forth. "It's okay, Davey." She stopped rocking him and he sat up and looked up at her. "I'll tell you what."

"What?"

"You know how much I like yellow butterflies?" He nodded. "Well, when you see one that will be me watching over you."

He leaned back and rested his head on her chest. "Can I see you in the pitable?"

"Yes, you can see me in the hospital."

It wasn't long before Hutch had packed a bag and took Jennifer to the hospital. He buckled Davey in his car seat and he slowly drove out of the garage. She looked at the house as they drove away. She knew she would never see it again. She would never sleep in her own bed, see the pictures hanging on the wall, or smell the atmosphere that was so familiar to her. Just when she felt like her heart was being torn apart, she remembered the angels in her dream and the calming, peacefulness came back over her and she knew it would somehow all be all right.

Starsky, Jeanne and Kenny were already there and had hung some family pictures on the wall in her room. On the bedside table Starsky had placed a small photo album of all the pictures he had taken the past few months of all their outings. Hutch had given him a few pictures that he had taken too.

Hutch helped Jennifer out of the wheelchair and into her bed. He raised the head so she could sit up a little while. She smiled as she looked around and saw the pictures. "I love them all," she said weakly.

Kenny showed Davey all the pictures. They were talking about when each one was taken. Hutch pulled a chair close to the bed and held Jennifer's hand. Starsky moved another chair to the other side of the bed so Jeanne could be close to her twin. A nurse came in and asked to see Hutch outside. Hutch nodded and followed her out to the hallway. He was followed by Starsky, who put his hand on Hutch's shoulder. The nurse looked at Hutch then at Starsky. Hutch said, "He's my partner and Jennifer's brother-in-law, anything you say to me, you can say to him."

"Okay, then. I just wanted you to know that I understand your wife's condition and we will make her as comfortable as possible. The visitation rules do not apply in this case. That decision will be left up to you as long they respect the rights of the other patients and are quiet." Hutch nodded. "You should also know that we have a roll-away bed that can be brought in at night if you wish to stay with her."

"I'd like that very much," Hutch said in a soft voice. Starsky kept his hand on Hutch's shoulder.

"I worked with Jennifer and Jeanne both and want you to know that she was one of the best nurses I've had the pleasure of working with."

Hutch nodded, "Thanks."

"If there is anything, and I mean anything any of us can do, please let us know."

Hutch could only nod. Starsky said, "Thank you, we will."

Starsky took Davey with him when he left so Hutch could stay with Jennifer. Hutch barely slept. He kept waking up to make sure Jennifer was still breathing. Once, she felt him watching her. "Hutch, I saw the angels again and I saw my parents and Grandparents. It was like everyone I have ever lost is waiting for me."

Hutch lowered the bedrail and sat next to her on the bed. He looked at her for a minute and even though her eyes were sunken in and the circles were darker than ever he said, "You are still as beautiful as the day I met you. I love you and I'm glad you're not scared anymore."

She scooted over and made room for him to lie down. He put his legs under the covers and rolled onto his side so they were lying face to face. She gently touched his cheek and said, "And you, Sir, are still my knight in shining armor." They fell asleep just like that, facing each other. His arm was around her torso.

The sun coming through the window woke Hutch up and he carefully slid out from under the covers and closed the drapes. He thought Jennifer looked so peaceful as she lay sleeping. Starsky brought Jeanne and the boys by.

Jennifer woke up and wanted to talk to Jeanne alone so Starsky and Hutch took the boys to the waiting room. There were toys and books for kids there. Jennifer told Jeanne about seeing the angels. "I'm not afraid anymore."

Jeanne held her hand. "I'm glad you're not."

Jennifer said, "I saw Mom and Dad too. There are people waiting for me, Jeanne and I have to go soon." Her voice became weaker with every word. It was as if she was struggling to stay in this world.

Jeanne stood up and hugged Jennifer. "It's okay. We know you have to go. You know we've talked about it. When the time is right; I want you to go and be happy." With those words, Jeanne was giving her twin, the one person she had known since before she was even born, to leave. But she knew that Jennifer needed to hear them. "Starsky and I will always be there for Davey and Hutch, you know that. They'll be okay. I'll be okay too." Her tears were running down her cheeks now. She reached for a tissue and dried them.

"Hutch, please let me see him."

Jeanne nodded and whispered, "I will miss you."

"I'll always be there."

Jeanne left and found Hutch and Starsky in the waiting room. The boys were playing with cars on a nearby table. She walked over to them and said, "Hutch, you know this is the end." Hutch nodded. Starsky glanced at both of them. He was worried about them both. "She needs you to give her permission."

"Permission? Permission for what?"

"To go. To follow the angels she sees. She needs to hear from you that you and Davey will be okay."

"You have to let go, Buddy," Starsky said. He reached out his arm and squeezed Hutch's shoulder.

"I know," Hutch said as his voice cracked. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I can do this." Starsky and Jeanne nodded. Hutch couldn't bear to look at Davey. He slowly walked into Jennifer's room. "Hi, beautiful."

"My knight in shining armor," Jennifer said. She actually managed a weak smile. "You've come to let me go."

Hutch's lip quivered. He nodded, "Yes. I love you and want you to stay, but I know you have to go. I believe that you see angels and they're calling you. I know you see everyone and they are waiting for you."

"I see them now. But I don't want to leave you."

"It's okay to go. Davey and I will be okay. Just make me a promise, okay?"

"I will be there waiting for you. I promise."

He gently kissed her lips as she took her last breath. Hutch watched her for a minute then he sat in the chair that was beside the bed. He held her hand and kissed it. He leaned over her body and cried. He cried until Starsky came in and sat next to him. "It's over, Starsk. She's gone."

Hutch sat up and reached for Starsky who hugged him. "Let it out, Buddy. Let it out."

A few minutes later they emerged from Jennifer's room. Davey ran to his dad and said, "Mommy's gone to heaven now."

Hutch picked Davey up who buried his head in Hutch's shoulder and cried. Hutch walked to a chair and held Davey. He patted his back. Kenny ran to Starsky and was crying now too. The nurse moved them to a small quiet room where they could be alone as long as they wanted.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Moving Forward

It was with a heavy heart that Hutch went home that night. He gave Davey his bath and put him to bed then he took a long shower. He was physically and emotionally exhausted. He stood in the doorway between his bathroom and bedroom and stared at the bed. Jennifer's pillow still had the indent from her head. Hutch walked over to it and looked at it for a long time. He finally got into bed and laid his head on his own pillow. He rolled onto his side and held Jennifer's pillow. He cried himself to sleep. He had been asleep about an hour when he heard his bedroom door open and head the tiny footsteps walking toward his bed. Hutch opened his eyes to find Davey standing there. "Daddy, can I sleep with you tonight, my heart hurts?"

Hutch sat up with his feet on the floor and picked up his son. He held him tight and started crying for his little boy who would grow up without his mother. "Daddy, you're crying. Does your heart too?"

"Yeah, Daddy's heart hurts too." They cried a few minutes then Hutch said, "But we know Mommy's okay, right?"

Davey nodded. "She told me she was going to be with God and that whenever I seened a yellow flutterby it would be her."

"We'll be okay too, Davey. We have each other."

"We have Starsky, Uncle Dave and Aunt Jeanne too, right?"

"You bet and tomorrow we'll go see them." He laid Davey on the bed and they both fell asleep.

Edith volunteered to watch the boys for the funeral. Starsky, Hutch and Jeanne felt they were too young. When they were a little older they would take them to her graveside if they wanted to go. Hutch and Davey stayed with Starsky the night before the funeral. Edith picked the boys up at nine. Hutch was a nervous wreck before the funeral. Starsky had to help him with his tie.

Starsky sat between Hutch and Jeanne in the front row. Huggy sat on Hutch's other side with Dobey beside him sitting next to his two children. Hutch didn't recall very much about the service. He sat there with a straight face, unfaltering through the entire service staring at the highly-polished emerald green casket. It was her favorite color and he thought she would appreciate it. With Hutch's approval, Starsky had the funeral director place a copy of the picture of the six of them wearing white in her hands. It was positioned so that it appeared as if she was looking at them through all eternity. Starsky was Hutch's rock. Sitting beside him, patting his leg or giving his hand a gentle squeeze letting him know he was and always would be there.

After everyone else had left the graveside, Hutch was still sitting in his chair with his hands folded resting on his lap. Starsky had walked Jeanne to the limousine and the driver was waiting for Hutch. Starsky made sure Jeanne was settled inside and as okay as she was going to be, then he walked back to Hutch. He sat beside him without saying a word. "I know it's time to go, Starsk." Starsky put his hand on Hutch's shoulder and stood up. Hutch slowly rose to his feet and put his hand on Starsky shoulder and they walked to the waiting limousine with their hands on each other's shoulders.

After the service, everyone met back at Starsky's place. Edith had the boys already there. Huggy had arranged for some food to be delivered by his staff. Hutch went in Kenny's room to help Davey change into a suit. Starsky had Kenny in his room to give Hutch time alone with Davey. Hutch was tucking Davey's light blue shirt into his dark blue pants when Davey said, "Daddy, is everyone here because Mommy's coming home today?"

Hutch stopped and looked at Davey. "Son, Mommy's in heaven now, remember? She can't come back."

"Oh. I miss her."

"I do too." Hutch went back to tucking Davey's shirt in and then he tied his son's tie.

Davey put his jacket on and said, "We're still okay, right Daddy?"

"We're okay, Davey." He picked him up. "I love you, Son. And I'm so proud of you." He set him back on the floor and they joined the rather large group of people that had gathered. Davey found Kenny right away and Hutch heard Kenny telling Davey that he would share his chair. Davey looked sadly at Kenny and said, "My Mommy's not coming back."

Kenny said, "I'll share my Mommy with you."

Starsky saw that too and said, "Do you think they'll always be that close?"

"Yeah, yeah I do. They're our boys, aren't they?"

"How you holding up, Hutch?"

"I'm still standing, that's about all I can do for now. How's Jeanne?"

"Doing 'bout as well as can be expected." They both looked around and saw Jeanne talking to Kiko and Molly.

"There sure are a lot of people here," Hutch said as he saw everyone he knew there.

"She was a very special, lovely lady, Hutch. Everyone loved her," Starsky said. He studied Hutch's face a few seconds to see if he could tell how Hutch was really doing. They had talked a lot while Jennifer was sick and before she died, but now that she was gone, Starsky wanted to make sure Hutch was okay.

It made Hutch feel good to see that so many people cared and were there to pay their tribute to Jennifer and show her family their support. Chief Sterling talked to him and conveyed his condolences. Hutch told him he wasn't sure when he would be ready to come back to work. Chief Sterling told him not to worry that he could back when he was ready.

Hutch was grateful for the vacation time that had been donated to him. He was able to spend the few months with Jennifer and Davey and that meant everything to him. Starsky and Hutch spent the week after the funeral trying to rebuild their lives. The last few months had been the worst of their lives and they needed the time to start the transformation and move on. It would be a hard adjustment for them all, especially for Davey who was beginning to realize that his mother was never coming back. Jeanne would work when Starsky and Hutch were off as was planned. She arranged for other sitters for those times when Starsky and Hutch were called in on their days off. Kiko, Molly, Edith even Huggy all volunteered to help watch the boys. They knew how important it was to Jennifer that Starsky and Hutch stay in the department. They had promised her they would not quit. Once Davey and Kenny started school, it would be easier because Jeanne could work while they were in school.

Now, it was time for him to go back to work. Jeanne was off and was going to watch Davey. On the way over to Starsky's, Davey asked, "Daddy, are you picking me up after you and Uncle Dave catch the bad guys?"

"Yes, I will pick you up after work."

Hutch was a little tense about getting back on the streets. He had been out for a while and wondered how he would do. Starsky had been working with Johnson and Reynolds for so long; would they be able to fall back into their old routine? He was thinking all this on the way to see Chief Sterling. The Chief had requested to talk to Starsky and Hutch before they went out on the streets. Starsky sensed Hutch was tense and knew him well enough to know that Hutch was over analyzing things again. Hutch had a way of doing that. "Hey, Pal, it'll be okay. It will be just like old times."

Hutch sighed, "Yeah."

"You sure you're ready for this?"

"I've been out long enough. You need your partner back."

"I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't missed you, Buddy. Johnson and Reynolds have been great but they're not you." Hutch smiled.

They walked into Chief Sterling's office and as usual, Starsky sat in a chair and Hutch sat down on the arm of it. Chief Sterling grinned at the sight. He put down the folder he had been looking at and said, "Starsky, Hutch, I want to say that it's good to have you back as a team." He didn't want to say anything about Hutch losing Jennifer. He talked to Hutch after the funeral and wanted to help Hutch keep his mind on his work.

"Thank you, Chief," was the simultaneous reply.

"I have a case I'd like you two to work on. Now, Hutch, if you don't think you're…"

"Chief, I'm back at work. I'm up for whatever you got for us." The Chief glanced at Starsky and he nodded.

"Okay. I just received information that there is a new drug pusher at Bay City High."

"There's always someone pushing drugs at the high school," Hutch said.

"That may be, but my information says this pusher is a teacher."

"A teacher!?" Starsky's voice escalated.

"Where did you get your information, Chief?" Hutch asked in a much calmer tone than his partner.

"The principal. He's had his suspicions for a while now but just came forward a couple of days ago."

"Let me guess, you want one of us to go undercover as a teacher," Starsky stated.

Hutch finished, "And the other one to be a janitor."

Starsky looked at Hutch, "And you worried we lost it." Hutch knew Starsky was talking about their ability to work together as they had before he taken so much time off.

Starsky said, "I'll teach."

"You'll teach what, auto mechanics. I'll teach, Chief."

"Auto mechanics, yeah, hey that's great, Hutch. I can teach that better than you can teach history."

"Can it, you two. Starsky, I think teaching auto mechanics is perfect. Hutch…"

"Chief, you don't really expect me to be a janitor do you?"

The Chief and Starsky just stared at him. "Aw, come on." He shook his head. "I at least get to pick my own undercover name."

"As always," Chief Sterling said.

"And don't be Ramon again, Starsk."

"Ramon is a lover not a mechanic," Starsky said in the Argentinean accent he uses when he is Ramon.

"I want to be Ricardo Gomez," Hutch said.

"Where did you come up with that?" Starsky asked.

"I haven't got to use my Spanish in a while and thought I could come from Mexico looking for work."

"A blond Mexican? Partner, you've lost your mind."

"I'll dye my hair, no one will know. It'll be okay." He noticed the looks of doubts he was receiving from his Chief and his partner. "Trust me."

"I trust you all right, Buddy. You wanna be a blonde Mexican that's fine by me. I'm going to be Scott Montgomery, a miracle worker."

"Really, you're worried my cover as a Mexican and you're going to be a character from Star Trek?"

"It'll be fun."

Jennifer's words, "I want you to have fun," flashed through his mind and Hutch lowered his head.

"What's wrong, Hutch?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm fine. I take it you want us to start tomorrow, Chief?"

"And, let me guess, the principal is the only one who is going to know we're undercover."

"Right on both counts." The Chief handed them files on the entire staff at the school and told them to go through as many of them as they could before they started tomorrow. They were expected to be at the school by eight in the morning.

They spent a good part of the day going over the files of the teachers and working out the details of their undercover assignments.

Starsky and Hutch were at the school on time the next morning. The kids loved the 'Striped Tomato' and Starsky loved showing them everything about it. He thought it was going to be fun to teach them a thing or two about cars. Hutch was less thrilled about his assignment, but as janitor he had more freedom to explore the whole school. When school got out Starsky and Hutch went to the station to talk about the case for a couple of hours. By the end of the day they were happy to go home.

Hutch thought he would be happy to be home after pushing a broom and mop all day. He picked Davey up at Starsky's and went home. He unlocked the door and went inside. "Davey, Daddy's going to take a shower then I'll make dinner, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy. Can I watch cartoons?"

"Sure." Hutch turned the TV on and put on cartoons. He went into his room and got ready for his shower. The house felt empty and he felt lonely without Jennifer's presence. It had been a little over a week since he lost her, but he missed her every minute of every day. He went through the motions of his daily activities and things he had to do, but he felt like he was just existing. "One day at a time," he said out loud as he stepped into the shower.

Davey was still watching his cartoon when Hutch came out of his room. He made dinner and put Davey to bed by eight. He sat alone on the couch and stared at the TV, which he hadn't bothered to turn on. He went to bed early. The next few days went the same. He dropped Davey off with Jeanne and then he drove to the school and worked the case. He was glad to have work as a distraction from the pain and loneliness he felt at night.

On Wednesday he told Starsky that he had something he wanted to do when school let out and he would meet him at his place later and pick Davey up. Starsky said okay and went on home.

It was nine and Hutch still hadn't picked Davey up. Starsky told Jeanne to go on and put Davey to bed and he went out looking for Hutch. Starsky didn't have to look very far. He knew Hutch well enough to know exactly where he had gone and it wasn't The Pits. Starsky turned the lights off as he pulled up behind Hutch's car. He walked toward the grave. He didn't say anything; instead he just put his hand on Hutch's shoulder. Hutch's head was bowed down and he didn't look up when he heard Starsky's car. "I lied to her, Starsk," he said.

"No, you didn't, Hutch. You didn't lie. You can do this." Hutch shook his head no, faced Starsky and cried on his shoulder.

"I can't do this. I can't go on day after day without her."

Starsky let Hutch cry a few moments then said, "I know it's hard, Buddy. Believe me I know it is, but you have a little boy who is counting on you. Not to mention a partner who needs you."

"I know, Starsk. I'm sorry. I just…"

"You just hurt." Starsky's voice was soft and calm. "We all miss her, Hutch. Jeanne cries herself to sleep every night."

"Davey's been sleeping with me. You know what he said the first night without her?" Starsky shook his head no. "He asked if he could sleep with me because his heart hurt."

Starsky said, "Out of the mouth of babes, huh. I think that sums up how we all feel. He needs you, Hutch and so do I. Don't give up. I promise we'll get through this together."

"Did Jeanne put him to bed already?"

"Yeah."

"Mind if I stay at your place?"

"Let's go." Starsky led Hutch back to his car. Hutch followed Starsky back to his house and kissed Davey as he slept.

The next day, Starsky and Hutch were at the school working on the case when they got the break they had been waiting for. One of the students, Joe Franklin, had befriended Starsky. Joe asked Starsky if could see him after school. He said he had an idea for something he wanted to try on his own car but wanted to run it by Starsky first to see if it was feasible. Starsky agreed and stayed in the school's garage. Joe looked nervous as he approached Starsky. He told Starsky that the gym teacher, Wayne Lewis, had been pushing him to buy some pills. Joe finally gave in and bought them. He told Starsky that he was scared to try them and didn't know what to do. Starsky asked Joe to hand him the pills and he did. Starsky asked Joe to wait for him in the principal's office. Joe was scared, but did as he was asked. Starsky had the janitor paged to the garage for a spill. Hutch knew that Starsky had found out something and went straight there. The two of had no problems arresting Lewis. When they interrogated Lewis, he told them everything.

Starsky and Hutch knew that it would take them all a long time to work through losing Jennifer, but they knew they had each other and they would always be there for each other.

Almost a full year later, Hutch was sleeping when he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Yes, Davey?" He didn't bother to open his eyes.

"Daddy, it's time for school. Today's my first day!" Davey said with all the excitement of a little boy who was looking forward to starting his first day of school.

Hutch opened one eye and looked at the clock. He shook his and smiled, "Son, it's only five. We still have a couple of hours."

"But I'm ready, Daddy, see."

Hutch opened both eyes and saw his son fully dressed ready for his first day of school. "Okay, okay, I'll get up. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to make a good breakfast."

"Uncle Dave said to ask if you had pastomi."

It took Hutch a minute to decipher that one. "Oh, you mean pastrami?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Your Uncle Dave is going to get you into trouble one day." Hutch giggled and opened the refrigerator. "How about some bacon, eggs and toast?"

"Okay." Davey watched as Hutch cooked.

Hutch and Davey pulled up to the school and saw Starsky, Jeanne and Kenny getting out of the Torino. Davey ran to Kenny, "I hope we're in the same class." They walked ahead of their parents as if they didn't have a care in the world.

Hutch smiled as he watched his son open the door for Kenny and enter the school. "Jeanne, look," he said as he pointed to a yellow butterfly that landed on the door knob of the front door.

"She said she'd always be watching over us," Jeanne said. They watched it until it flew away toward the bright sunlight.

"We're okay, Starsk," Hutch said to Starsky as he opened the door. "We're moving forward."

Epilogue

Hutch squirmed in his seat and Debbie took his hand. "Settle down, Honey."

"I can't help it; I'm so excited for them. They've wanted this their whole lives."

Starsky smiled, "They'll be great."

"Shhh. It's about to start," Jeanne said.

The Bay City Police Academy graduates entered the room and the audience applauded. No one clapped louder than Starsky and Hutch as their boy's names were called. Jeanne and Debbie actually had to hold them in their seats. Hutch was so proud of Davey and Kenny both. They had worked very long and hard at achieving their badges. They had gone through more in their twenty-two years than most adults do their entire lives.

Hutch's hand started to itch and he was about to scratch it when he saw the big beautiful yellow butterfly on it. He elbowed Starsky who was sitting on his other side and smiled. Starsky pointed it out to Jeanne and they all watched it as it crawled onto Debbie's hand and flexed its wings. Hutch had told Debbie all about Jennifer and how much she liked yellow butterflies. "I'll always love you," Hutch whispered as it flew away.


End file.
